Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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