It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
