I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
