Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
