gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
