Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
