Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
