Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
