There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
