I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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