I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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