giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
