Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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