I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
