Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
