of course. lets lasso hookers.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
