Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
