his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
