Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
