Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
