God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
