i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
sarcasm needs its own font
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
