I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
