those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
