i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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