Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh god it's open bar.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
