Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
