Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
