Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
