were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
