he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
