Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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