I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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