I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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