my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
