just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
