I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
