I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
