when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
