And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
