I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
