she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
