If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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