I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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