I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
