is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
