My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
