the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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