I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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