i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
