I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is my gift to your gina
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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