I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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