I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
